Student's Sex PowerPoint Goes Viral

8.10.10

Student's Sex PowerPoint Goes Viral

A US student is said to be distraught after a PowerPoint presentation detailing her sexual conquests went viral.

Karen Owen, a 22-year-old student of Duke University, North Carolina, detailed her exploits with 13 men, reports the Daily Telegraph.

She produced the unofficial 'senior honours thesis' on her flings as a joke to be shared with three close friends after she graduated in May.

But it was subsequently leaked to the university's 14,000 student population before becoming a global viral hit.

The 42 page presentation is titled 'An education beyond the classroom: excelling in the realm of horizontal academics'.

Miss Owen, from Connecticut, graphically describes her lovers, how they met in bars and what they did after their binge drinking sessions.

Each of her 13 lovers is named and pictured. She details their 'pros' and 'cons' and ranks their sexual prowess out of 10 in coloured charts.

Miss Owen is said to have been left devastated by the scandal and told The News of Today website: "I regret it with all my heart."

"I would never intentionally hurt the people that are mentioned on that." Her family later declined to comment.

A University spokesman said officials were "reaching out to those who've been affected by this incident".

Now I am fully aware that students aren't exactly known for spending their time studying. After all, where would we be if trainee Doctors actually did what they were supposed to do during their time in University? I mean, Christ, think of the horrors! We might actually have a cure for AIDS or something, how bad would THAT be?!

If going to bed at 7am and waking up at 6pm is your kinda thang then University is a great opportunity for you to excel in the deadly sin that you love - sloth.

It worries me somewhat that students aren't just drinking enough alcohol to get the late George Best a bit tipsy. Nor are they only resorting to avoiding baths or showers for a month at a time. More worrying they're not only resorting to telling the world that "I'm an individual. Oh, and you see my best mate over there, the one who looks like me, he's an individual too". No folks, the students of today are engaging in a good old fashioned game of lap tango... and making POWERPOINT presentations about it..?!

I mean where are the days of simplicity and sophistication when a person could go for a bit of squishy love and then graffiti 'Lucy iz a proper slag' on the wall of the gents afterwards? Where's the pride, people? Isn't 'Amanda sux cock 4 free' good enough anymore? Hmm?

So here we have some loose-fanny'd bint doing a (quite possibly shit) presentation about her sexual conquests. A little bit harsh in my opinion, as personally I think it is wrong to compare the disabled on their abilities.

Well surely they must have been disabled. I mean, guys... Look at her... You would wouldn't you?


Huh? Wouldn't you? Yeah?




No, I fucking wouldn't either. Black PVC was never a good look, and to be honest I never went for that whole 'wet slug in a condom' style anyways.

If I had to have sex with her I'd be putting in my request upfront for a canary just to check to see if there were any Chilean miners in that gaping cave of a womb she has. The word on the grapevine is that both sides of her uterus are sending each other 'Wish you were here' cards.

Not saying that she's loose, but when her pharmacist recommends that she starts using cotton wool wrapped around a coke can as a tampon then really she needs to start questioning her lifestyle.

So she has rated these guys on their performance. Out of ten, no less. Personally I am initially shocked that she doesn't mark them out of eleven, considering she spends most of her time on her back looking at her legs straight up in the air. (Yes, that was a bingo joke, you don't get many of them these days, I almost felt like Brucey... Good game, good game)

The thing I have noticed though is that there's an angle nobody has covered. The question is how did these unsuspecting disabled quadriplegic conquests rate her? Were they able to compare notes? Did they think to themselves "Hmmm, would have been a '7' but the flapping bingo wings that jiggle like a flesh coloured lava lamp every time I thrust really puts me off"?

"Would have been an '8' but I'm not sure that I'm okay with pushing my penis into a reservoir of other guys' jizz is really my thing"

"Seemed okay, skin was a bit on the pastey side though, I felt like I was shagging the ginger one from Girls Aloud only with a face like an inside out urethra."

"Not particularly great in all honesty, she told me she could squirt but I do not consider a seeping trail of slightly green cream cheese from her vagina as 'ejaculating' really"

At the end of the day this has been an amusing piece of news I stumbled across. It's not every day that an idiot is exposed to the rest of the world in such a glorious manner. At least the world has been saved from her breeding and dropping syphilitic offspring onto a stained hotel duvet, instead she'll be forced to resort to reaching a climax via an alternative method. Only it's probably a little difficult to reach a climax that way when it feels like you're pushing your fingers into Dairylea...