FIFA 12 Wishlist

28.5.11

FIFA 12 Wishlist

So we are at the pivotal time of the year where FIFA gamers are starting to tire of their latest instalment and EA Sports start to flash images of their upcoming release like a dirty perv in a trench coat on Wimbledon Common.

And like the sucker that I am I find myself trawling through endless sites (not pornographic ones, that would just be silly) hoping to get even the slightest glimpse of what I am going to experience come October. Other than Halloween.

EA Sports are boasting a whole new technical set up for defending - putting an end to the simple 'hold down X as long as possible' method that allowed me to beat Barcelona whilst playing as Burton. "AV IT!"

FIFA 12 also promises to revolutionise the way players collide with one another - sporting a whole new realistic display of crunching tackles, slight nicks and Wayne Rooney.

Wonderful.

Another rumour has been the emphasis on 'minor details' that add just that little extra realism to the affair. Such example being this; you are manager of Chelsea (somehow) and Mr Fernando 'Not Spanish-looking' Torres decides he has had enough of the lights and bustle of London and opts for a more laid back lifestyle up in the Northern reaches of Newwwwwwwcassssssleeeee. Well EA sports have suggested that they may include the option of your Chelsea fans booing Mr Torres upon his return to Stamford Bridge whilst playing for the Geordies. It may not sound like much, but anyone who watches football knows that want-away players are never exactly given a great reception when they return via their new club.

Exciting stuff.

Though it is evident that EA Sports are keen to boast about what they've been doing for the last 6 months (other than trying to convince the Americans that Soccer is better than football... and failing) I have decided to draw up my own wishlist of what I would love to see in FIFA 12.

After all, I do play it now and then. From time to time. Ok every other day. Well... Every day... several times... OK FINE I'M PLAYING IT AS I TYPE THIS... Give a guy a break dammit!

So here it is, my little round up for Mr FIFA to hopefully take notice. He better, otherwise I'll break his legs... Only kidding!

Or Am I..?



1. WAGS

I hate them. I hate them like the walking afterbirth that they are. Blood sucking leeches they may be, but it is undeniable that they are now a part of 'the game'. Every goal is another handbag, every goal in the bag is worth a goal in the old bag back home. FIFA 12 should therefore have WAGS at the game... sitting next to each other in a huddle...

Am just trying to think what the word for a group of WAGS is...

A 'Slag' of WAGS perhaps?

Clapping ferociously every time their man gets the ball, shoots, gets sent off etc because to be honest they don't really know what's going on. Bless them, all that fake tan has soaked into their brain... well... bra at least.


2. Improved commentary

Ok so it may be 50/50 whether or not Andy Gray will be commentating thanks to his Benny Hill ways, but I'm hoping he stays. In fact, if I'm being honest I like Martin Tyler too. Granted, he might not be as good as John 'Couldn't hit a cow's backside with a banjo' Motson but hey, you can't have it all unless you're Man City.

FIFA 11 had a few additional tweaks to the commentary but there was still a lot of base commentary transferred from FIFA 10. Including that line... that... awful... awful line... The line that makes me want to shred my own eyes out with a scouring pad or listen to a Girls Aloud album...

"The snow is snowing today..."

ARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHH! Always the voice of intuition, Mr Tyler! Somebody shoot this fella before he reveals any more secrets!

So in my opinion a complete overhaul is needed. As well as some logic. For example I have just slipped in my 8th goal past Paul Robinson (what do you expect, he's English), and so Tyler delivers another classic;

"There's a danger that this match is starting to get slightly one sided"

Talk about closing the barn door after the horse has bolted, only in this case the horse has bolted, got married, had fifteen kids, died of old age and got reincarnated. Twice.

P.S. If Andy Gray is the kind of person who should have starred in a Carry On film then let that reflect in the commentary! I want to hear classic quotes from him such as "Ooh, that's a big tackle", "He's got great ball control, unlike my wife, waa-haa-haa-haaaaa" etc.



3. An end to awkward snotty nosed b***ard players

There was a new inclusion to the FIFA franchise in '10, and not a welcome one in my opinion. I found myself in charge of Man City after my 7th season. Yes, okay, I was swayed by the money. I felt very dirty and showered regularly afterwards.

Here I was, pockets full of cash to splash out on whoever I wanted. It was liberating, especially as I had no chance of signing Messi whilst in charge of Blackpool despite winning the premiership three times, the FA cup three times, the league cup three times and the Champions League twice. All those accolades and still I could only afford a Mars bar and some milk lollies...

So I set off and started sending off my offers left right and centre. 14 in total. 14 of some of the finest, quickest, skilful players in the world. I was confident that I was about to create the greatest team football has ever seen.

How many of those 14 did I sign?





3.

That's right, of 14 players I asked to buy with enough money that could buy Simon Cowell only 3 felt that I was worthwhile to join. Time after time I would read 'Transfer request declined due to the player being unable to agree to your offer'.

I was livid. So I had to wait for the January transfer window to come around, and when it did I set my sights a little lower. I replaced the creme de la creme with... well... some full fat milk but probably quite close to its sell-by-date. Surely I'll be able to get some of these players to join my army on wages well above £80,000 a week.

No.

Apparently for the modern day footballer money is obviously not an issue. They would much rather stick to their failing team where they are paid considerably less.

Fine, you do that. I understand that EA Sports wanted to take away the problem of old whereby every football was like a little lapdog who would jump ship for any little treat that was offered to them, but this is the other extreme.

A little bit of logic please EA. I know footballers won't get out of bed for less than £80,000 or to purchase a car/clothes/hooker, but let them be a little willing!


4. International Call-ups

This is something that should definitely be included in the regular season. I hail back to another game in the EA Sports franchise - NHL '99. Yes, yes I know, different game and about 100 years old, but it had something that could fit very well into the newest addition of FIFA - International Callups.

Half-way through the regular NHL season there would be a one-off North American All Stars vs World Allstars match, something you could either simulate or choose a side to play as. Crucially, this match would contain all the players who were the BEST PERFORMERS FOR THAT SEASON SO FAR. For example, I would create a player, name him after myself, and draft myself into my team the Detroit Red Wings. Little did I know that I am actually a natural at ice hockey, and so I found myself netting 35 goals bu the midway point of the season.

So then what happened? The North American Allstars vs World Allstars match came up, I chose to play it and what do you know? The ice hockey version of me was included in the World Allstars team thanks to my efforts! Awesome!

I think FIFA 12 should have the same. Have an international match or two amongst the regular season. England vs Germany, England vs France, England vs Afghanistan, who cares, just a random international match depending on the league you're managing in. Then fill those international teams with the best performing players at that moment.

Simples.







So there's a few ideas from me, though there could be many, many more.

Give me your ideas on some new improvements for FIFA 12 because, let's be honest, we won't be happy until we can physically pound John Terry's face into the ground by holding down 'X'.