Showing posts with label n-dubz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label n-dubz. Show all posts

4.8.11

Cher Lloyd Heading For #1


I can see the picture now - thousands of HMV's around the country there have been queues... QUEUES... of underage girls, pink undersized jackets, screwed back hair, hoop earrings, ugs and umbilical cord hanging out of their wishing-well fannies. All of whom are smoking (Rizla's... of course), and speaking to each other in gutteral splurges...

But enough of my conquests... ah ha...

No, they are there clutching onto their 'Swagger Jagger' single, a circular disc of absolute garbage from an 'artist' who symbolises all that is pikey about pikeys.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, the mid-week charts show that Cher Lloyd's single is currently topping the top 40 and will only be surpassed if by some divine intervention occurs in the form of The Smiths. Much like a decent N-Dubz single, that is highly unlikely.

So she finally did it. The artist of questionable talent, quivvering lips and STD riddled vagina has got herself her first #1, which to be fair in 2011 means very little as compared with the accolade in, say, 2001. Obviously recording the single from her caravan (you can hear her Dad having a shit in the background, probably on her Mum) she has infused autotune and 1990's Daphne & Celeste-esque lyrical oomph to create a sensational munster of a record that will be all but forgotten in 2012... well... 2011 really.

Hopefully she'll get over her raging case of HIV so that she can witness her imminent al-bum release get to number one thanks to this nation's fine chavtastic population. SWAGGERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
Twat.

12.6.11

Adele - Fags before Career?



Adele has said she'll never give up smoking, even at the cost of her voice, proclaiming a life without cigarettes 'f**king boring.'

The 'Someone Like You' superstar confessed her love for fags and booze in a recent interview with Glamour, and described a terrifying bout of laryngitis a week before her smash album '21' came out.

"I gave up smoking for two months. It was f**king grim,' she recalled. "I stopped drinking, eating or drinking citrus, spicy foods or caffeine. When my album went to number one here and in America, I just sat in my room and watched telly because I couldn't go out and talk to anyone!"

Despite her complaints, the singer did admit: "My voice was better when I wasn't smoking. Within a week I noticed it had changed, but I'd rather my voice be a bit sh*t so I can have a f**king laugh!"


What an absolute tard. Now don't get me wrong, I do encourage the nation to hunt for fresh new talent in this country of ours. The 60's, 70's, 80's and definitely the 90's produced some of the greatest accolades in British musical history, throwing up a flurry of undeniable talent. Competition against America has always been a tough challenge, but it has been a contest that we have held our own against.

Come the 00's and suddenly things start to chunder down into sludge-world, relying our hopes on the annorexics, the fakes and N-Dubz... innit geez, innit innit innit innit geez innit geez like innit geez, no what i meeeeeeeeeeeean blood?

Err no I don't.

So at times it feels like Britain's musical taste has splattered far and wide like Jessie J's nose. Though every now and then a slight sparkly gem gets uncovered amongst the bullsh*t. Adele was (initially) one of them - a young singer whose voice defied her age, soulful and endearing.

Most of all; promising.

First time round she was disregarded as her career seemed to spark the same time as Duffy's - the blonde Welsh one who, to be fair, most fellas wanted to stop her singing by plugging her gob with an appendage. Defiant music-listeners however avoided the tart and went straight for the seconds (a bit like Adele...).


The thing is the more I read about Adele, or read any of her interviews I start to wonder about her sanity.

Some say she's 'quirky'... I say 'nuts'...

Some say she's 'down to Earth' I say 'common'...

Some say Adele is 'the future of Britain's music industry'... I say 'dead by 40....'

Near-alcoholic, constantly swearing, chain smoking, overweight, nerve-riddled and apparently taking super-stardom like a kitten takes power lines, Adele certain isn't exactly living the life as she has often confessed to hating live performances "in front of lots of people". I know, actually having to sing in front of lots of people, Christ, normally that's what someone like a musician has to do... oh wait...

Now this (expected) nugget has emerged that Adele would choose fags before her singing ability. Yes, she would rather stand in the queue in Burger King with some Benson & Hedges asking for as many chips as possible instead of the career that has made her a household name and the size of a house. Unsurprisingly a few people have been somewhat irked about this, a backlash already forming surrounding her apparent ungrateful attitude towards the life that billions of people would die for. Seemingly endless appearances on television, her album '21' breaking Madonna's record for consecutive weeks in the top spot for Albums, America loving her like they love waffles, and let us not forget ooooooodles of cash coming into her bank account. But then again lets be honest, that's the only thing that'll be coming near her...

So I say this Adele. You suck those fags and/or pies, I give your career 10 years before everyone is asking each other if you are still alive or not. Besides, us sophisticated Brits prefer something with a bit of class, like Tinie Tempah, Wretch 32 or my homeboys Skepta and Wiley.

Innit geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez, innit innit innit innit innit I have a tiny manhood innit innit innit geeeeeeeeeeez innit innit.




....Wasters.



~WMT~